Where to begin?

I guess the best place to start is to talk about myself for a few minutes. My name is Candeh. I am 22 years old and I am married to my husband who we are going to call Mark. Mark and I have two Children a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. We also have a daughter from Mark's previous marriage who is 7 years old. I work full time for the most part although like most businesses in the auto industry things are slow and hours are slim.

Now on to the tricky part my life. I can't say I have had this horrible tragic life because the facts are I haven't, I mean don't get me wrong I am not living a dream but my life is no worse than anyone else. So with that said welcome to my online Diary so to speak.


I guess I should start from my earliest moments and move from there. As I kid I was pretty active Cheer leading, Gymnastics, Girl scouts, and when my teenage years came I was the normal teenager running with friends experimenting with pot and alcohol. I held a job at a fast food restaurant from the time I was 14 on to 17 years old working 40hrs a week for the major portion of my time there.


I was a normal teenager until about the age of 16. One night at work we learned a friend of ours had been injured very badly in a car accident and that her fate was dangling in a hospital room. Now this girl and I were friends but we weren't best friends so It alarmed me when after receiving the call I felt a tightening in my chest.


I couldn't breathe the walls were closing in on me and I felt as if my heart could burst out of my chest at any moment. My hands and face began to tingle a few minutes into the trouble breathing and things began to get blurry. My first thoughts were oh god I am going to die.

After long attempts from my mother and another women forcing a paper bag over my face I finally had my body under control and the air flowed freely again, I was shaken and scared and my body felt weak as if I had just ran a 10k. I didn't understand it at all but my mother did as she had suffered from the same several times in the last few years.


After the attack and a few more in the middle of school leaving me embarrassed and in tears we finally went to see a Doctor where I was diagnosed with Panic Anxiety Disorder. I remember thinking What?! Panic Anxiety Disorder I am 16 years old what do I have to Panic about. The Dr then explained the symptoms to me and It was exactly what I had felt.


I tried along with the medication to get a grip on things but in the end I couldn't and I ended up dropping out of school. Eventually in time I would come to manage my Panic Anxiety but it wasn't easy and I still now sometimes have them. I have been in the car driving, in public, at work and even had the ambulance called to my work because I passed out on the floor and my frightened co workers could not seem to snap me back.


At 17 after I left my Fast Food job I took on babysitting. The shift was late at night as both of the parents worked 3rd shift so all I really had to do was sleep easy money. Little did I know this one job would change my life dramatically. The women had a son who was 26 yrs old, and he lived in a different city but worked here during the week. So during the week he crashed at his moms while he worked and went home on the weekends. So often times he was there as I was.


He was a very attractive man and I noticed I promise. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that in just a year I would be delivering our Daughter and months later he would become my husband.


But Alas that is a story for tomorrow for work calls.....