They never look the same.

You know everyone always says at funerals how good the person in the casket looks and most of the time it is a lie. Well today it wasn't any different..

He didn't look really bad he just didn't look like Eddie. He was pale and swollen and cold god his hands were so cold. It wasn't right seeing him there, it was so wrong. I kept expecting him to sit up and smile and say Gotcha! I wish so bad that he would have.

His wife god his poor wife was so upset. She kept crying trying to climb in the casket with him screaming Please wake up Eddie please wake up, she told us that on the way to the hospital before he quit breathing he kept saying don't let me die, don't let me die.

It broke my heart. His smallest child kept asking her Mommy why is daddy so cold? It was heartbreaking. He is only 8 years old and doesn't understand what is happening. We all cried for hours. Even at work tonight all we could do was talk about Eddie and cry more.

I know that Eddie would want us to be okay, and that he wouldn't want us to hurt this way. But it doesn't change that we are and will hurt for a long time. Every time we walk through those shop doors it is a constant reminder of him and all the good times.

He was an exceptional person, he was crazy as hell but exceptional. It was always a good night working with him. He was the type of person that was always making everyone laugh with his dancing and jokes.

I can still feel him grabbing my shoulder and calling me Hun like he did all of us girls. He was our big brother, our friend and he did whatever he could to look out for us, and for that I will always be thankful.

Today was a very hard day and tomorrow will be worse. Tomorrow we put him in the ground forever. I keep reminding myself that he is in a better place looking down on us. If I had to have a guardian angel I am damn glad to have Eddie on my side.

I know it will be a long time before we all recover from losing him, But I have faith that God can heal even the deepest wounds.

Well I am going to attempt to sleep again, I hope to dream of the good times and the fun we all had on the long nights at the shop with the radio cranked up and Eddie dancing away..... He will always be dancing in our hearts. We miss you Eddie.

-Candeh